March 15, 2004

A Couple Pins Short of a Strike

Posted by Ed

I learned something shocking today: Jeanne Phillips (the author of the "Dear Abby" advice column) doesn't watch the Simpsons.

Consider the following letter that Dear Abby answers today:

Dear Abby: I am 34 and have three children. My husband, "Gene," and I have been married for 10 years. He is greedy, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. I don't know why I married him, nor why our marriage has lasted this long.

Gene put off getting me a birthday gift for as long as he could; then he bought me a bowling ball. It was the last straw. Not only do I not bowl -- he had the holes drilled for his fingers and his name was on it.

The next day I went to the bowling alley determined to keep the ball and learn to bowl. It was there that I met "Franco." Franco is kind, considerate and loving -- the polar opposite of Gene.

Franco and I began bowling together, and he bought me a glove in my size with my name on it. Shortly thereafter, our affair began. (I didn't mention that I was married.)

When Gene saw the bowling glove on our dresser, he became depressed because he realized that I'd met someone. I feel sorry for Gene, but the last time I saw Franco, he proposed.

I no longer love Gene. I want to divorce him and marry Franco. At the same time, I'm worried that Gene won't be able to move on with his life. I also think our kids would be devastated.

What should I do?

-- Stuck In A Love Triangle

Sound familiar? This scenario sounds suspiciously like the plot of an episode from season one of The Simpsons: "Life in the Fast Lane." (No, I didn't know the episode name; I had to look it up online.) They even got Marge's age right! It's nice to know that Dear Abby is in touch with contemporary society...

Update: According to the corrections section in the Tribune today (March 16), someone at the syndicate figured out that this letter was a hoax, so they sent out a replacement column. The Trib ended up printing the wrong column, though. I'm still really amused by this situation, though--doesn't the letter look fake even if you don't know The Simpsons at all?

Posted by Ed at March 15, 2004 10:24 PM

That's awesome. The person who sent that in might overtake Christian as my hero.

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